Confessions
by Zierra
Summary: Confessions of the characters in FF8! The end has arrived. This is the very last chapter the epilogue! The Last Chapter is REALLY long, and I appologize! Hope you'll like it!
1. Confession of the Lion

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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I wrote this one day when I had nothing to do… I found myself wondering what was hiding behind Squalls forehead, and it just came to me. I'm sorry if it sucks, but it's not Stephen King style…………… yet…… =o)

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CONFESSION OF THE LION

We hear about it every day, destiny, that we can make our own and all that bullshit.

Well, if I could've made my own destiny, I would have excluded "this".

Another thing I often hear about is that opposites attract, and that's damn right! 

I'm not a very verbal guy, only speak when absolutely necessary, rather calm and collected, you know, Commander-style. 

__

He on the other hand is not anything of the above. _He_ certainly _is_ my opposite. You can count the minutes he's quiet on one hand, and the expression "wild n' crazy" must have been made by someone who knows him.

And I love it, oh yes I do….. Every second I'm around him I feel….….. Weird. Not uncomfortable-weird but… ah, I might as well admit it…… horny-weird.

This is what I meant with "this": _He_! I'm gay.

Not big deal you think, but it is if you're me. Squall Leonheart, at your service.

I know exactly when it happened. When I realized I felt something else than friendship against him. We were gonna fight, for training, with each other and everything sort of died, you know, like a machine does when you pull out a plug, when he was warming up. "Gracious" and "beautiful" was the words that hammered at my head, whilst the words "gorgeous" and "irresistible" disabled my entire body. I just stood and stared.

Hyne! I've seen the guy fight before, but only in the heat of battle, and then it's not really the time to have sexual fantasies about a team-mate, even if the adrenaline is pumping through your body. There's just no time.

Well. Apparently I had time then, lots of time, in my frozen state. He asked me if anything was wrong, why I wasn't trying to attack him. I looked down at my Gunblade, and didn't know what it was used for. A bottle opener?

That was the worst time, and I've tried to deal with this crazy sensation in my mind when it just goes ballistic on me. But it's hard, so I try to stay away from him, at the same time as I want to be near him, even if it's just to look. And they say it's no harm in looking….. My ass….

"This" also scares me. What!?, you think. Yes, it's true, because it makes me weak. Can't stand to see him get hurt. If it's an attack from a T-rexuar or a mere foot injury, I just do all in my power to take the pain away, without thinking of my own security. I think he's gonna be my death, sooner or later, if I don't do something about "this".

I noticed I don't call him by his name. Maybe it's easier to confess then, but I'm not confessing to anything if I don't say his name, but I'm gonna do that now. Here it goes: Zell Dincht. Just his name is an aphrodisiac. Geez, I'm pathetic.

I've tried to find out what he feels, you know, if he…..likes me. But I can't seem to ask the right questions. I don't want to hint to much, if it should scare him off, but whatever I ask, he makes me more confused. Zell has that affect on me, he confuses me….a lot!!!!!!!

But the worst part, the absolutely WORST part, is that he makes me act like a lovesick, 15-year-old schoolgirl. Don't worry, I don't twirl my hair and giggle when he's around, and I most certainly don't blush. But he makes me feel……..giddy. 

Now to something completely different. This civilian girl asked me to associate all of my so called friends to animals. Gladly do that!

Zell: Well, he's a tiger, and I think an explanations is unnecessary…..

Seifer: Hmm, a rat, maybe. Yes, a rat. A big, ugly vermin you can't get rid of no matter 

how hard you try. Believe me, I've tried, but he doesn't bite the bate….

Irvine: Heh, the only thing coming to mind, is a small, ruffled pony.

Selphie: A tough one. A monkey, I think. Saw one on TV a few days ago. It jumped on 

two legs, instead of running. It reminded me of her. 

Xu: A turtle? No, more like a polar bear. Yeah, yeah, I know. You probably think I'm 

more suitable for that, but I was thinking that she's always so cool, and never lose 

her temper over trivial things.

Rinoa: A mad cow? Yes! Mad, because she thinks we can get together. Whatever. And 

also because she once called me a oyster. What?! 

Looking back at my confession, and I see all the shit I told you, I come only to one conclusion:

I need, therapy. BAD!

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# Okay, I think I need to explain myself once again. This is how I see Squalls mind. It 

doesn't mean it's anything like the real one. It's just my sick mind, it comes up with 

crap like this once or twice a day. Unfortunately, this kinda good idea, was corrupted 

because my (two) brain cells, decided to ignore each other.

# Anyway. I'd like to apologize to Rinoa and Seifer fans. If you took the "animal-

association" game serious, you need to reconsider. It's just happens to be that I don't 

like Rinoa all that much. As for Seifer, I have NOTHING against him. On the contrary, 

he's a great character to use when I write my YAOI fics (not posted yet), but since I 

like that Squall and Seifer have "issues" with each other, I decided that he could get 

some (harmless) bashing. I won't be cruel to him, in his confession. Can't say the 

same about Rinoa, though. Btw, her statement about calling Squall an oyster, will be 

explained in her confession.

# If you like it, good. Feel free to tell me that, and also if you have suggestions about 

other confessions. I need inspiration! Badly!!!

#All the future confessions will have the animals Squall chose as a title, if you're 

wondering. 

They are not negotiable!

# Since it's easy to check, I might as well tell you. Yes, this is my first POSTED fic, but 

not my first to write, so don't give that "beginner" shit. I've won money for some of 

my fics. They may be posted here, if I can re-write them to suit Final Fantasy.

Later! // Zierra


	2. Confession of the Rat

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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I've been encouraged enough. Here's chapter 2! 

This one's about Seifer, if you won't notice. As I've said before: I like Seifer, so if you consider what I'm about to write as offensive towards Seifer, I apologize. I just think he likes who he is…… ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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CONFESSION OF THE RAT

Shit happens. A common expression, and also a true one. Shit _do_ happen. Especially to me, it seems.

I've fallen hard for the most unlikely person imaginable.

Squall, you think, and I would agree, if it didn't make him the most obvious choice. 

No, it's Zell.

Damn! I think that was the first time I've actually used his real name. I call him Chickenwuss, and with all right, he is a Chickenwuss. But a damn sexy one. Unbe-fucking-lievable.

It was one of those love-at-first-sight crushes, with only one minor difference. It wasn't the first time I saw him… Hell no! We grew up together. But things have changed, apparently, life didn't ask me what I wanted, it just ruled by it's own will, and this was what it came up with. Thanks a fucking lot!

Life made it so I no longer see him as a good-for-nothing crybaby, but a lean, mean, sexy killing machine. 

It was during the prom, and Zell was there (duh!), looking all fine… Didn't think too much of it, until he came up to me, to congratulate me for becoming a SeeD. I was in chock for a while, wondering if I was dreaming or just had a bad hearing day. But then he said the three magic words (for me) and I no longer cared if I dreamed or not.

" You deserve it."

It was like getting a bucket of ice poured inside your shirt, and after that, I was sold, Zell being the (un)lucky (and unaware) buyer. 

Don't like to admit it though. Kinda feels like it makes me a wuss…. Heh, although it seems rather suiting, don't you think?

Zell's like a drug, a cliché, I know, but it doesn't make it any less true. When he's not around or when I haven't seen him during the entire day, I start to get withdrawal symptoms. I get this fix idea that I need to find him, and I don't give up until I do. Get a life, Seifer Almasy, or at least a picture you can ogle over. _What_ did I just say!? Ogle? I *don't* ogle. I never have, nor will I ever! I'm a fucking asshole, I.DON'T. OGLE!!!

Well, one thing that _is_ clear, is that my addiction/obsession of Zell isn't very healthy…

You wanna know what I thought when I first realized my feelings? That I had developed a severe mental illness. I still think so, on occasions. I _must_ have some sort of malfunction in my brain, because until I all of a sudden fell over a cliff into the sea of Zell, I was straight. No one switches that fast…. Then again, it's me I'm talking about.

Garden bad ass number 1!

The only thing worse, than my totally obscene feelings for Zell, is that I think Squall has the same feelings. That little…….. Well, guess I should explain _why_ I suspect this.

Squall is the silent type, right… Don't talk much (because he doesn't have anything important to say) and seems like his insides is made of metal.

Well, I know him well enough (I've hated the bastard for over 17 years now, I like to think I have a clue about him) to see that he is different around this fiery blonde martial artist (with the greatest ass). He's too obvious in his ignorance, and to persistent in his questions. And the only thing I could think of that would make Squall act like that would be that he think the same way I do:

Zells the hottest ever walked through Garden.

Ah, well, it really doesn't matter. Zell's straight, he even has a girlfriend. Don't know her name, and I don't fucking care. She's a skinny bitch who walks around, acting like she owns Zell. She can't *possibly* give Zell what he needs. But I know I can, and one day, she's gonna pay for all of the times she's smiled her superior smile when she walks past with Zell, for the times she's gone out with him, so I can't "ogle" at him…

She's going down…. 

Zell needs a real man, so Squall can kiss my ass if he tries anything.

As you probably noticed, I'm a self-centred asshole (I think that words suits me) and I really don't care. I actually kinda like it. People fears me and avoids me, and it's all fine with me. I guess my bad ass image (which really isn't an image) doesn't work for Zell.

My loss then……

Fuck, that's depressing!

Just to summon things up (like our GF's):

I'm one bad son-of-a-bitch!!!!

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# So, is this any better than Squalls? It's was much easier to write, for some reason. Next one in line is either Rinoa's or Xu's, but that depends on how many ideas I have.

Maybe you can help with that? Since you know a little bit what I think about Rinoa, you can guess what I'm looking for. As for Xu, she's in love with Squall (duh) and I need some plot in her confession (except for the interference of Rinoa). Well, I trust your good judgement!

# So, Seifer fans. Was it as bad as you thought? I'm rather satisfied with it (otherwise I wouldn't have posted it) and I don't think his reputation takes any damage of this. It's

just fiction after all. =o)

# You may notice a small quote from the (super great) movie "Pearl Harbor". I just

thought it sounded so great, that I had to use it. No harm intended. =o)

# Some of you may have noticed that Quistis is not included in Squalls fic, don't worry Quisty fans, she's coming….. Sooner or later. =o)


	3. Confession of the Polar Bear

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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This is Xu's confession. I don't really know all that much about her, so this may not be close to your idea of the instructor, but as I have said millions of times, and probably will have to repeat over and over, is that this is _my idea of the characters_. Remember that before flaming or correcting me. Besides, I'm tired, and I feel obligated to write this, so it may not be good. SORRY! One day, when I feel better, I might re-write it, so you get what you want. Maybe.

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CONFESSION OF THE POLAR BEAR

" What she doesn't know won't hurt her", right? Well, they think I don't know, but it still hurts. What's she talking about, you wonder, and that doesn't surprise me much. Most people don't have a clue what I'm talking about, or, they just don't care. Well, I really don't care, that they don't care, but I wish they did. Care, that is. Confusing, right? Then put yourself in my shoes: You're a instructor at Balamb Garden. You're well known and probably a little frightening, considering that I have the students "lives" in my hands. (Well, not literally, off course. If it's someone who has the students lives in his hands, it's Squall.)

Does anyone ever approach you? Does anyone try to be your friend? Would you try to become "buddy" with your teacher? Didn't think so. So what do you make of this? That I'm lonely? Correct. It didn't bother me much before, I was so caught up in doing a good job, I didn't have time with a social life, so I never tried to "connect" with my students. I regret that now. The closest I've gotten to anyone, if you can call that close, is to Squall. He treats me like he treats his friends. Sort of. He doesn't take me with him to the local bar, he doesn't invite me to his dorm room, but at least he talks to me like he would a friend, and that's all I want. Well, not from him…..

He's the one everyone looks up to, the one everyone respects and admires. Myself not excluded. But I do a little more than all of that. I also love him. Crazy, isn't it? 

I'll try to explain what draws me to him, although it means I have to reveal personal information, but that's what a confession is all about, besides making you feel better.

It's his mysteriousness, the way he's not displaying his feelings, like certain others…

I'm not saying I don't like Zell, he is probably a very nice guy, but he's too obvious for me. 

I like mysteries, the first reason I took this job. The mystery in teaching students, seeing them for the first time. Always discovering new things about them, even though I never do anything about it.

Squall is mysteries personified, and it's a very attractive quality. But there's more than my own insecurity that stands in my way of a life with Squall. And that would be Rinoa. 

A teacher should never take favourites, neither should instructors, and I certainly haven't done so in Rinoas case. But what's worse than taking favourites is disliking a student. But there I'm guilty. Shamelessly guilty.

She's always around Squall, although he's obviously not interested. Sometimes I almost feel sorry for her when he completely ignores her. Almost. I can't help but feel some kind of hope. At least his not with Rinoa. If he wanted her, I would have given up on him a long time ago, and NOT because he would be taken, but because _he would be with Rinoa._ I don't want a guy who finds that, _tramp_, attractive and girlfriend material. I would be insulted if he showed me any attention then. Maybe I should be insulted now too, considering he's not giving _me_ any attention either. Not in _that_ way, anyway.

I'm not being very instructor-like right now. And it's strange. I feel kind of like I'm acting my age for the first time. I never had a reason to act in that way before. I've always been supposed to be the "older and wiser", and I've taken on that burden (it really is) with a smile (although a fake one) and continued to do my job.

So many things I've missed, so many things I never will experience. Maybe it's time to do something about it. I can't keep on regretting the decisions I've made in my life.

Yes, I will do something about all of this. About my job, Squall and my lack of a life. I am going to do the things I've always wanted to do. It's never too late, right?

I hope that's true. I really do.

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# Not a very long confession, but it was necessary. You see, I have an ulterior motive, sort of, to all of this. Nah, I'm just kidding. The very LAST chapter, it won't be a confession. It is going to be, kind of like an epilogue. What happens when everyone acts out on their feelings…. That's why ALL the characters need to confess. And that is also there, that Quistis will make her grand entrance. Hope you will wait and see.

# Thanks to everyone who has shown their interest!! Appreciate it A LOT!!!!!!! Keep on reviewing, I take it in like a sponge does with water!!!! 

# Zells confession has been requested, and I tell you, I really WANT to write that, but I need to keep your attention to this fic, so if I give ALL of you what you want, some may stop reading…. Don't want that… But, for those who wait to see the Tigers confession, you will get the best of me, so to speak…. ;o)

# Rin up next…… ;o) (YAY!!!!!!! Indirect bashing!)

// Zierra


	4. Confession of the Mad Cow

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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Alright, here it comes. This is what many has waited for, and in the right hand corner, we have Rinoa Heartilly, and in the left, those among us whom frankly just don't like her! Who's gonna win…. ? 

Oh, I see here that I'm not very serious, maybe that's required when writing about Rinoa. *takes another drink* Anyway, in this, Miss Heartilly is gonna be portrayed like, well, you'll see… And this, ladies and gentlemen, is DEFINITLY how I see her. No doubts about it….. =o)

"This young girl, she's a freak" (from Infinite Mass - She's a freak)

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CONFESSION OF THE MAD COW

I've been asked to confess to you about my inner, most private, feelings. Well, I'm proud to say that I don't have any secrets from anyone. I live by the rule that "truth last the longest." And I'm not one who stands down from a challenge. Okay, so when the others go out on a mission, I usually just sit in Ragnarok and polish my nails, but, they really don't need my help, do they? I mean, so far no one has gotten killed. 

Okay, one cadet may have died, but it was inevitable. He was standing right beside me, and that "thing" came running right towards us, and I _had_ to run, otherwise I would have gotten killed. Don't want that, now do we?

Squall played the Great Hero and pretended he didn't care that I almost had died, but I know him well enough to know, that he would have given his own life to save mine. He's so cute!

Anyways, on the way home, he didn't say a word to me (probably getting over the chock of nearly losing me), and come to think of it, no one else did either. Just jealous, right? 

Well, that's in the past now, this is present. I've decided to tell Squall that I….. love him….. I bet he's just waiting for me to take the first step, even though I'm really not that type of girl, but for him, I'll do _anything._

Some girls at Garden, think that they can have Squall. Yeah, right! None of them could EVER please Squall the way I can. He needs me, and I see that in his eyes. Squalls never been much of a talker, fine, I like quiet guys, they don't interrupt when I talk, and he seems so _hard_ on the outside. But I bet he's like an oyster. You know, hard on the outside, soft on the inside. And my goal is to open him up, make him show his love for me.

The girls I told you about before (the Rinoa-wannabees), one of them is Xu. Our instructor. How pathetic isn't that!? How can she even _think_ that a guy like Squall would ever fall for a magnet like her. Have you seen her lately? Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't report her fro stalking. Wherever Squall is, there's she, trying her best to make her interested. Whatever! Hah, look! I used Squalls favorite word! Aren't we compatible? 

The SeeD prom is coming soon, I'm gonna ask him to join me to that. I mean, we could go together…. Wouldn't that be soooooo romantic? Oh, yes, it would.

Ih, I can't wait! Finally, I'm gonna have the man of my dreams! My little Squally.

Oh, I almost forgot. I've colored my hair. It's darker now, with blue streaks in it…. I look _so damn good_!!! Squall can't resist me when he sees me in my new blue dress that I bought for pretty much all my savings. But he's worth it and he's the only one for me. He's my first, my last, my everything. Okay, he's not my first… Oh no! There's Thomas, Eric, Shawn, Kyle, Vic, Steven that has beaten him to the bush…. *laughs hysterically at her own, not so funny joke*… but still, he makes me feel like a virgin again. No, he doesn't, because my thoughts involving Squall, is rated NC-17, and that's not very virgin-like…. Oh, I guess you can _imagine_ what I mean.

Anyway, he should be happy I'm interested in him… I mean, he's lucky enough the get _the_ best girl in entire Garden. Moi!

Well, I get the best guy, too. I guess it's even then, right? On the other hand, Seifer's rather good looking, don't you think. Maybe, if it wasn't to work between me and…. What am I talking about, off course it'll work between my Squall and me… Off course….

I guess that's pretty much it. Maybe I'll confess some more after the prom, if you know what I mean….. ;o)

Just wanna say that when I want something, I won't stop, even if it's the last thing I do!

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# Alright, this wasn't so long either, but I got so mad at Rinoa, that I had to quit. For someone that dislikes Rinoa as much as I do, I don't like writing about her, even if it is for bashing…

# I hope the message in this fic was delivered and understood. Rinoa is a self-centred…. (it is rated R)…. bitch! All that talk about her being the best and all, was taken from a class-mate of mine, who thinks she's Gods gift to all _man_kind. Hate her, hate her, hate her!!  


# The joke Rinoa pulls in the story, about "beating to the bush", actually was rather funny. Came to think of it afterwards, but I decided to admit that here, where no one reads…..

# Just a little question for you, nothing you need to answer to if you don't want to: How does Rinoa know, that Xu is everywhere Squall is……. Think about it………..

# Rin mentions " To open him up." With that I did NOT mean she's going to dissect him. She (and I) meant that she wanted to open Squall up to become more open… Do I make any sense at all?! 

# Ah, alright! This ends here. Either Irvines or Selphies next time. Depends on if I feel like a Pony or a Monkey!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

// Zierra


	5. Confession of the Monkey

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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This is Selphies confession. I feel like a monkey at the moment (I bought Britney Spears new album today….). Anyways, since I'm in the _funny_ mode (the same mode I was in when I wrote Squalls and Seifers) I've made her….. Well, read and see…. *evil grin* Enough said, you'll notice what I mean.

Selphie fans, DON'T HATE ME! This is merely to make it all a little more _interesting_. =o)

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PLEASE REVIEW, and for all of you that have. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I owe you my heart……….. Almost……………… *kisses*

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CONFESSION OF THE MONKEY

Sometimes I wonder what makes us what we are. Tall or short, blonde or dark, happy or sad, gay or lesbians, straight or bisexual. There are so many things you can be, who chooses what you'll become at birth. A boy or a girl? Human or animal? I'd really like to know who chose for me. Just to know what he or she (or it) thought went they selected it. The one that chose for me, made me short, dark, happy and bisexual. Great.

I can't help but think I'm more lesbian that I'm straight, and sometimes vice versa. I mean, sure, I get attracted to men, a lot. Irvine is one good example. I'm attracted to him. He and I even go out, and I don't find that hard. But when I see a beautiful girl, the feeling is different. Someone who isn't bisexual wouldn't understand what I mean, but they could guess. It's like when you eat Vanilla and Chocolate ice-cream, (or two other flavours you prefer). You like them both, but they taste different… Making sense? And if someone asked you which you liked the most, which would you answer? Could you answer? I can't, that's why I'm bisexual. But the thing is (if women is Vanilla and men Chocolate), I sometimes imagine, that I prefer Vanilla, and sometimes it's all money on Chocolate. Confusing to the max.

The problem with all this is, that since I can't make up my mind (if I like both just as much, or if I'm leaning more to one side) I feel like I'm cheating on Irvine. 

But the most confusing part of all, is that, when I'm with Irvine, I'm "cheating" on this woman (tell you later), and when I spend time with her, I'm "cheating" on Irvine. 

Seifer came with an interesting point a few days ago. " Being bisexual is only a transition period, where you decide whether or not you're straight or gay."  
According to him, there's no middle ground. Is he right, or completely delusional? I don't know, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I need to say who this woman is, my Vanilla. She's older than me, but not by much. I don't know what made me fall for her, maybe her maturity, her maternal actions towards us. Or maybe because she's so damn hot!

Alright, I'm gonna say her name, I can hear you sighing over my difficulty to get to the point. Xu. Can you blame me? If you say no, wanna start a Xu-admiration club with me? If you said yes, well, stop listening then!  
I wonder how people would react to it, if I decided to tell. Not that I have a major crush on Xu, but that have deceived everyone, especially Irvine. Maybe I'm not deceiving him, just myself, but I will never know, unless I spend some time with Xu, just to see if it's the same thing, better, or even worse. But how do I spend the kind of time I want with her, without admitting to being bi? Problems, problems, problems….

I've never met anyone with similar feelings (problems, if you want), so I have no one to talk to. I try find out on my own, but it seems like I'm just entwining myself more and more in some thin thread of issues.

I've tried to talk to people. Just hinting. Seifer come with incomprehensible comments no one understands. Zell seems to have issues of his own, so I don't want to disturb him unnecessarily, and I have personal reasons to avoid him. With him it feels like I'm cheating on both Irvine and Xu…. Ah, well, Squall is out of the question already, isn't he? He wouldn't talk to me, even if I bribed him with a way to escape Rinoa. And her, I wouldn't even ask for help if I were dying. There's no one left…

If I could sigh any louder, I would.

Why did I come here? Maybe this (whatever that is) wouldn't have happened if I hadn't come to Garden. Why did I want to become a SeeD? To save the world, off course. Yes, but in the meantime, I'm destroying my own…

I need to make a decision, and soon. Very soon. I can't keep this facade up for long. Not without getting caught. What would I do, if I were to be exposed? I don't even know if Xu is lesbian. Help me, SOMEONE!

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# My, this one was short! Sorry, I'll try to compensate with Irvines…. Or even Zells….

Someone asked me not to make Zell straight, while others has asked me to do just that. I have some ideas how to solve that, but I have to think about it a while longer, that's why I took Selphies and Irvines first. But I can't wait until it's Zells turn to fess up! 

# I've never even considered Selphie bisexual before this, but as I said, it needed a twist, and this was what came of it. I've never thought that she's that happy for no reason, and her little secret sort of fitted with that. ( that's what she meant with facade…… )

# Not long until the grand finale….. =o)

# Can't tell you to many times: REVIEW! I beg you on my bare knees!!

// Zierra


	6. Confession of the Pony

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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Alright. Irvines Confession… What is there to say… Next one can only be……….. Yes, you know who it is…. The one that everyone has asked about, and the one that I have postponed to later. Well, the waiting is almost over.

Enjoy Irvines messy head for the time being.

And, just so you know. I was sick when I wrote this, so it _may_ be a bit different from the others…. 

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CONFESSION OF THE PONY

It's rather funny, come to think of it, that the feelings you cherish the most, are the ones you hide, deep inside you for safe keeping. And the ones you wish you didn't even had, well, those are the ones you have on display. Just to pick and chose whenever you want. Hate, is one of those emotions and together with anger, jealousy and sadness, I think we have many days of depression in front of us.

Being a transfer from Galbadia, it puts you a little to the side. You're not "one of the gang" and you're intruding. I hoped that wouldn't happen here, but Balamb Garden is just like the rest. Here people whisper when they see me coming, they don't hang out with me, and they avoid me, as well as they can.

The exceptions is a few people. Only two, actually. My girlfriend, Selphie, and Zell, SeeD marked with "Danger - Explosive." Those two are very alike. Exuberant and always in a good mood. The only difference is that it takes you forever to make Selphie angry, while it only takes one word in the wrong place with Zell, before you need to run for cover.

But I guess that's what I like about them. They shelter me from the rest of Balamb. 

They haven't sheltered me enough though. One person has managed to get though their protection from outsiders. Her name is Xu. She's so much more mature than the others, and I guess that's what caught my attention. She gives me smiles sometimes, that just makes me melt. 

I normally don't have problems with talking to people, but she glues my tongue and I end up looking like a fool. 

I wonder what she thinks of me. If she thinks of me at all. I have a reputation of being a ladies man, but that is just something I brought with me from Galbadia. I had some women there, and when my reputation proceeded me, I decided to let them believe it. It's rather easy to keep it going, just wink at a few girls, and let them make what they want of it. But if my chances with Xu is smaller because of my rep, I would deny it in a second, but I guess I'm just another student for her. But, I wish I could make her see, that maybe I'm the one for her.

I know for a fact she's not involved with someone. She's always in her room, and if she's not sleeping, she's working. She's a classic work-oholic. I once thought she had something going on with Squall. But that was quickly contradicted, when Rinoa claimed to have Squall for possession. Don't envy him there. But I envy him when I see Xu look at him. I envy him when he can call her to his office, and just close the door for the rest of us. I know they only discuss work, but I've become so perceptive when it comes to her, that I can tell, that she wants more. Something Squall won't give to her, but something that I can.

I know I can, and I want to.

Why can't she just give me a chance?

I know why. Because I'm with Selphie. Xu would never break up a relationship. But as soon as I think I have my mind set, I realize that if I end things with Selphie, and it doesn't work between me and Xu, I'll be all alone. No one to protect me, and no one to love. Because the truth is, I do love Selphie. She was the first one to detect my presence, and she introduced me to Zell, and the others. She made me fall for her. It's not fair to her, that I have feelings for someone else, but sometimes, I just don't want to let her go. I don't care if I sometimes dream of Xu, when I wake up beside that bubbly girl, I can't help but feel…. Happy. Can Xu really give me that?

In my dreams she can, absolutely. But in real life, is she the kind that you spend late Saturday mornings in bed with, or take long walks around Balamb with? Does she even have _time_ for me? She's always busy. Always…

" Unlucky love", some one once told me. " is necessary to keep your current love life exciting." I bet that person wasn't in my situation. Because my helpless crush, does _nothing_ for my relationship with Selphie, it doesn't make it better, and it doesn't make it worse. 

But, what do I want?

Do I even know?

Obviously not, otherwise, I wouldn't be with Selphie, I wouldn't flirt with every woman in a miles range, and I would most definitely not pine after Xu.

What a mess….

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# Explanation: I was, if you didn't notice, very in love with someone I can't have, and that reflected into this fic… Sorry. But I use personal things in my life to inspire my fics. Read my story " A Price for a Heart", there you can see it even more clear. If you stop by, review it!!

Review this fic too, hell, all of them!!

# Next one….. (drum-roll)……. Is CIDS!!!!!!!!!! Kidding!!! It's Zells, I promise… =o)

Later!

// Zierra


	7. Confession of the Tiger

Author: Zierra

Disclaimer: I wish……

Story: Just something my weird mind came up with. Just for the record: 

this is how _I_ see the characters, so don't kill me….

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I've been bribed, I've been begged, and now it's FINALLY here. I hope it can stand up to your expectations. *nervous*

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated everyone's comments!! *hugs everyone that reviewed.*

But, As I've said, it's not really finished yet…. One more chapter after this…. *huge smile*….. 'K, 'K, I'm gonna stop…. HERE IT GOES!!!!!!!!!!

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CONFESSION OF THE TIGER

" What you see, is what you get." Isn't that what they say? That used to be me in a nutshell. I said what I thought, and had no secrets. Everyone knew everything about me. It's another meaning to that statement to. When I fight, I have no weapon, beside my own body. If they see a all muscle, short blonde, that what they'll get. " What they see….. Is what the bastards get…."

I have a reputation around Garden that I'm whiney and immature. I'd like to talk to the fuck that started that rumour. For some reason, students and SeeDs around Garden has a strange ability to piss me off on frequent occasions. Yes, I use my fists, but no one complains when Squall draws Lionhart or Seifer unsheathes his Hyperion. So, why can they, but not me? I'm only using my weapon as well.

Cid took me in to his office a few days ago, yelling at me for a while, before getting to the point. (He is rather slow in that area. Sometimes it can take him an hour to say what I could have fitted into a minute.)

He told me that I was more lethal then both Squall and Seifer together. Sure, it's nice having people telling you that, but, that's not true. What can I do that Squall and Seifer can't do with their Gunblades? Just asking.

I have another reputation, but that's among the girls. Yes, sure, Irvine is the one with the talent among the babes, but, can he really do the things that I can? I mean, not many guys can flex into the positions I can…… 

I said before that "It used to be me"…. You probably wonder what the hell I meant by that. It's really simple actually. I now have a few things hidden from my friends. And then I don't mean these small secrets like I have once colored my hair green, or that I was the one that cut lose that crazy dog and let it run free through Garden. Everyone already know I did that. The secrets I talk about is those involving your heart. Your soul. The core that makes you. Those kind… The worst kind.

I keep "it" locked in somewhere, afraid of getting to near the bars, maybe the monster inside will grab me with it's longs, razor sharp claws, and pull me into his dark, lonely cage. That's how I see my secret. As a monster. Although, maybe you should say that the monster is in a closet, and that I need to get out of it…. You see where I'm going with this? 

My problem, which in itself isn't a problem only that I've made it one, has distanced me from most of my friends. The only one I really talk (although I've never actually told her, just hinted) to is Selphie, but I'm not sure she really _understands. _I also used to think that Squall was a friend. But lately he's been avoiding me, barley talking to me. I mean, sure, he wasn't the most verbal guy I know, but please, a "Hello" isn't gonna rip his intestines out. When he sees me, he gives me a weird look, turns away, and never looks at me again. A shame really. He has beautiful eyes… Who am I kidding? It's not just his eyes that's beautiful, all of him is… Enough said for now, otherwise I'm gonna

ramble about what's so special with him,

Seifer. 

He's never been a friend of mine. Teases me until I can't stand it, hits me as often as he has a chance, and when alone in a room…. Hell, he might as well be in it alone. But still, I torture myself, constantly, by trying SO HARD to get his attention. I don't want his evil attention, bruises I get enough while training. I want _him_ to want_ me_. Even _if_ the asshole is gay (an idea I've found rather likely, considering his past references with girlfriends = None) why would he want me? Sure, I think I look rather decent, though I could use some longer legs… I can't see myself, when I'm being a realist, being with Seifer. No, wait, that I can see, but I can't see Seifer with me. I mean, he's the tallest guy in Garden. Has a personality similar to a tree, rough and unreachable. And ever seen Seifer display any other feeling than spitefulness and rage? I sure haven't. OK, opposites attract, but they sure hell doesn't work together. And, another thing that spoils my chances with Mr I-Have-Something-Sharp-Up-My-Ass and Mr Does-It-Look-Like-I-Care? Is that they see me as a child. I can't help the fact that my genes made me shorter, can I? Can I help that I have a vertex in my hair, so that I _need_ to spike my hair, not to look even more ridiculous? No, I can't! So if my purpose in life is to be seen like a baby with them, without any skills and value, I guess I have to deal with that. I hate it, but that's the way it's gotta be, I guess.

That's another problem of mine. I settle for so little.

What kind of life is that? Can I ever find true happiness? So far, the only thing that's made me really happy, is being a SeeD. Missions, training, the adventures. Well, it's not the glamorous life everyone seems to imagine. The pay isn't THAT good, and the dorms get boring after a while, and, there's a large possibility that you'll get your ass killed. And who's the fucking genius who introduced the curfew?! Life doesn't start until after 1o pm. But those old, impotent, blind fucks that rule Garden, probably don't realize that. They should get laid, then maybe their minds wouldn't be so clouded. Okay, I sidetracked a bit. I meant to emphasise that it's not glamorous, but it's a life, and a rather good one too….. (If you can't cope with all the rules, all the millions of rules….) 

On occasion I imagine myself doing something really heroic and admirable, so that Squall or Seifer may notice me for something other than a child. I've tried to do the same in real life, but if I against all odds were to do something of sort, they don't give a 

fuck. None of them. But usually it goes like this: I screw up, and Squall have to drag _my_ sorry ass out of trouble. Inevitable I guess, for a hot-head like me.

All I've said until now, is enough to kill an elephant with one blow. But, it's not all…

You see, I have a girlfriend named Leila. She's nice and all, and there was a time when I honestly was in love with her, but she's recently walked out of my league. She deserves someone who will give her his everything, and I don't do that. Unfortunately I fear she's in love with me for real. She loves me. I can't hurt her by just dumping her for no reason (because I'm not gonna lie to her.) I never lie to anyone, except myself. And I don't hurt no one but myself. But I just can't tell her that " Honey, I want to break up. It's not you, it's me. I'm gay!" How do you think she's gonna take that?

She'd kill me, undoubtedly.

The fact of the matter is, that I'm killing myself. I'm creating an unbearable situation for me, something that is bound to break and everything is gonna crash down on me, finishing me of for good.

I'll tell you all: Secrets is like acid, eating a hole through your heart. Remember that before telling your next lie.

" A lie is always a lie, a lack of truth, a lack of courage."  


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DEDICATED TO: **DARKSQUALL **( Mission accomplished, where's my fic??? *smiles*), **RASLON** (the one and only…=o), **K.N.W **(for very honest, but sometimes confusing, but none the less appreciated, comments), **Marin2x1 **(for being such a damn good reviewer), **Innocent** (the candy was great! More next time….?) **Hikari Shadokijo **(for being such a inspiring monkey…. =o) and to **XIneko **(Thank you, I think…. And for the record: I'm NOT a homophobe, and I agree, we're all bisexual!)

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# Not as long as I wanted it to be, but I risked repeating myself, so I stopped. I'm sorry, I couldn't get out of the Seifer-Squall-Zell-threesome, I just love it! 

# Ah, the plot thickens…. What's gonna happen? Who's gonna get who? Most votes win…. Whatever pairing…. (maybe….)

# I have one request, and one alone: REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

// Zierra 


	8. The Last Chapter

This is the last and final chapter in this little miniseries of mine. Anyway, I apologize for the disorder amongst the chapter (last time I checked, chapter 2 was first) but I don't have the strength to change it… Most of you already read them, anyway….=o)

I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!! The reason I haven't updated this chapters in what seems like an eternity, is that I'm graduating high school this year, and I have reports and homework up to my ears, plus I have dance training for the prom in May, so I don't really have much spare time. No excuse, I know, but it's a reason! Hope you can forgive me, along with the length of this chapter. Couldn't seem to get it shorter. Not if I wanted to get everyone's point of view. Btw, this idea came to me whilst driving home (so my dad was driving, and I was daydreaming, but that's details), and I have no idea where it came from. Maybe from some memories of my drunken days, who knows… =o)

I read it through once, and it took me about 20 minutes… I apologize. You might want to work offline for this one…. =o)

One more thing: Here comes Quistis!!!!!!! =o)

Okay, let's get this over with…………

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LAST CONFESSION - THE END

Quistis walked through the halls of Balamb Garden continuously checking her watch. She wasn't late, but her guide was. She'd been told that someone was to meet her, but that someone hadn't come. After an hour of waiting, she had decided to go alone. As she turned a corner, she saw a tall blonde man, casually leaning against the wall. Opposite of him stood another blonde, although this one much shorter. They were arguing. Well, the shorter blonde was arguing, the taller one just stood there, looking at him, ignorantly. 

" Fuck you, Seifer! You're gonna pay for this!"

A smirk twisted the taller mans, Seifers, lips, but only for a few seconds. 

" Whatever you say, Chickenwuss, whatever you say."

Quistis noticed two things. One; The two young men were very handsome, something appealing in them both. Two; The tension between them weren't the one of two merely fighting. There was something… Sexual… in the air. 

Suddenly the shorter blonde discovered Quistis presence and raised an eyebrow at her. She suddenly remembered she'd been eavesdropping.

" Eh… My name's Quistis Trepe, am a reporter. I'm here to interview the SeeDs in Balamb."

The shorter - and younger? - mans face dropped and he looked extremely guilty. 

" I'm suppose ta meet ya, weren't I?" he asked. 

" Someone was." She smiled. He was cute when he was ashamed.

" I'm sorry. Ya here ta see Commander Leonhart? I can show ya!" Quistis smile widened. From being embarrassed to very willing to please. Talk about mood swings. 

" He's like that", Seifer said. " Far from resentful."  
" I thought that was a good quality?"

" Well, you've only know him from two minutes. After seventeen years it's rather annoying." Somehow Quistis doubted that that was what he really thought. There seemed to be too much affection in his eyes. In the meantime the other one had turned back to angry now.  
" Come on Chicken, you know it's true!"

" For da fifth millionths time, my name's Zell!"

Quistis recognized the name. She'd read in a magazine once. Some Zell Dincht had save a bunch of people from an escaped Grat that had been genetically manipulated. So, he was a hero. Although he didn't act like one. She'd heard it was typically SeeDs. Partially the reason why she'd decided to make an article about them.

" You're Zell Dincht?"

He nodded, proudly.

" Da one 'n' only, at yer service." He bowed, his apparently very lithe body following the motion through, perfectly.

" It's very nice to meet you, Mr Dincht."  
" Please", he exclaimed, while Seifer snickered beside her. " Call me Zell!"

" Okay, Zell. If you don't mind, would you be a part of the article? I'd like to interview you to get your…."  
" Yer gonna interview me?! Sure, I would. When? Do I have ta change?"  
" Yes…. Mr Leonhart decides that…. And no, not if you don't want to."  
He looked more confused than ever.

" I think that's more information than his brain can handle", Seifer said, smirking. Zell frowned and if he'd been younger he would probably have put his tongue out. Quistis took that thought back, when Zells tongue quickly emerged between his lips. The light in the corridor made a piercing in his tongue flash as it moved.

Something in Seifers expression changed at the sight of it, and if Quistis didn't know better, she'd probably had taken it for desire.

" Maybe…we should go and see Mr Leonhart?"

Zell immediately turned his attention to her and nodded.  
" Sure, just follow me!"

He started walking and Quistis followed. She stopped when she noticed that Seifer didn't follow.

" You're not coming?"  
He shook his head.

" No, I'm not a SeeD. Besides, I don't think Leonhart wants me there. Better go after Zell before he runs away."

He began to walk in the opposite direction. There was something weird with the way he walked.

Seifer sighed as he turned a corner and he leant against the wall. Damn that Zell! He just had to turn him on right in front of a reporter. Luckily it hadn't been a man, otherwise it had been too obvious. Too obvious that he had a massive hard-on.

With another sigh he made his way to his dorm room. No way he was going to reveal himself to someone else, especially not in the corridor.

Squall was sitting by his desk, staring at a pile of papers that needed to be signed, desperately trying to make them go away with sheer will-power. It didn't work though, and he'd been at it for the last half hour. He was used to signing papers, and this was no complicated pile, but his thoughts had been elsewhere, and he'd recently discovered he'd signed some with "Zell". Last time he checked, that was not his name.

There was a knock on the door, and he welcomed it, hoping it would take him away from his stuffy office.

" Enter!" No, there was nothing pleading in his voice….

The door opened and Zells head popped in. Squall frowned. Was it really Zell this time? He'd seen the guys face several times before, but before he embarrassed himself again by calling another blonde cadet for Zell, he had to be sure.

" Yes?"  
" Hey, Squall. Dat reporter's here now. Should I let 'er in?" Squall nodded and the door swung open. Zell came in to the room, and there was no doubt now, it was him. No one at Garden moved with the same swaying motions, no one else smiled that wicked grin at him, and no one certainly addressed him with "Hey, Squall". Behind him came a blonde woman with glasses and a notebook tightly pressed against her chest. She met his gaze with the confidence of someone who often dealt with people who wasn't good with words. She must have heard the rumours about him, and if she hadn't Zell probably had been kind enough to inform her. And, she was a reporter after all. She could write an entire article about him, without him saying a word. It had been done before. 

" Hello, Mr Leonhart. My name is Quistis Trepe. We talked on the phone a few days ago." The tone of her voice showed what she thought. " I talked and you just grunted."

True.

He nodded.

" I asked Mr…. Zell here, to join us. He told me of some other SeeDs I could interview. If that's alright with you."

Squall raised an eyebrow and look at Zell, expecting a full account on which he'd recommended.

" I told 'er 'bout Irvine, Selphie 'n' Xu." Squall nodded again, the three had actually crossed his mind before. They could bring their perspective to Balamb Garden, Selphie and Irvine being transfers and Xu an instructor.

" Good. I have another request, Mr Leonhart", Zell cleared his throat and Quistis nodded. " Squall. If don't mind too much, I'd like to ask Seifer……Was it Almasy?…. To participate. I think his version would appeal to many."

Squall had to admit it, she could choose her words. "If you don't mind too much", his ass! 

He glared at Zell. There wasn't much doubt in the question of who had told her about Seifer. That was the one minus with Zell; he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

" Fine."

" Good! When are you free to do this."  
Squall looked at the detestable pile of papers. They needed to be signed before lunch.

" Now?"

" Could Irvine Kinneas, Selphie Tilmitt, Seifer Almasy and Xu ?, come to the library immediately."

When they were all gathered, Quistis put out her notebook and looked at them in order as they sat in front of her. 

" What I want to know is why you wanted to become SeeDs, and how reality matched your fantasy." 

She sat down on a chair, finding an empty page in her notebook, pen ready in hand. For a few minutes there was no answer, then Zell spoke up.

" I became a SeeD 'couse of my grandfather. He taught me ta fight wit my hands instead of weapons, he said dat weapons hurt ya more then they killed others." There was a few agreeing nods from the others, especially from someone with long dark hair and a cowboy hat. Irvine, if she wasn't mistaking. 

" And was it anything like you thought?"  
Zell looked her straight in her eyes.

" No. Far from."  
" What do you mean?"

Zell took a deep breath.

" I met people here, people I never thought I'd…..like." 

The way he stared at the floor, told Quistis that the "people" he talked about was present. Or maybe it wasn't "people", but "person".

" Someone else?"

No answers.

" Alright, this seems to be a waste of time. If you'll excuse me, I have to make one phone call."

She stood up and walked out of the library. She had an idea to make these people talk, but she needed permission to use her financial support fully.

" Hi, Kent. It's Quistis. Listen, I'm in need of cash, and I need them now.……What? No, for the article about SeeDs………….. To make them more….talk-active. So far I have pretty much nothing….. Yes. I have an idea, but you have to trust me………… No, off course it's legal (I think)!…. No, I didn't say anything…… So, what do you say?…… Great, I owe you one!….. Oh, and Kent, what angle do you want on the story? I have a feeling that there's a big secret they're hiding. All of them…….. You won't be disappointed! Bye!

She hung up and walked back to the others.

" Okay, people! Let's move out!"  
" Where to?"

" You'll see….."

Xu followed the reporter, walking right behind Squall, watching him take those breathtaking steps. She bit her lip. Hadn't she told her self NOT to stare at the Commanders ass? She was almost positive she'd done that. Seifer walked beside her, eyes lost somewhere in front of him. His posture wasn't the one it used to, he seemed more casual today. She wasn't used to see him… calm…around Squall, but they hadn't even looked at each other. Squall didn't even glare, something he usually was very good at.

Zell walked next to the reporter, she hadn't gotten her name, and talked. Probably a more detailed version of why he was a SeeD. Selphie and Irvine walked behind her, hand in hand. But they seemed tense together, as if the hand-holding was a duty, and if she wasn't mistaking completely, their eyes were set on her. She could feel them burn holes in her.

Suddenly she heard a shrilling scream and be damned if Rinoa didn't meet them by the entrance. 

" Where are you guys going?"

She looked so innocent, but Xu knew better, and when she received that cold stare from Rinoa, she knew that the girl wasn't too pleased about the idea that they where to leave Garden without her knowledge. Xu shoot a glance at the reporter and hoped that the woman would not tell her. She herself had no idea where they were heading.

" Oh, you're that reporter, aren't you?" How the hell could she know everything?

" Yes, my name is Quistis Trepe."  
" Nice to meet you, Miss Trepe. What are you writing about?"  
" SeeDs."  
" These SeeDs?" Rinoa asked, her hand including everyone before her. Quistis nodded.

" Then I have to come, I know all about them." 

Xu sighed. Off course, what had she thought? Rinoa always found a way to be around Squall. The only highlight in this little encounter with Gardens highest ranked Bitch, was that Squall was mildly interested in Rinoas interference. Not at all interested, actually. It warmed Xus heart.

Selphie could nothing but sigh. Just her luck. Rinoa was a leach, being everywhere. She glanced at Xu, who seemed surprisingly content about something. She had a small smile on her lips, eyes focused on something she couldn't quite see. But she had her ideas. Squall. She'd noticed that Xu had some kind of infatuation about the Commander. It ached in her heart at this knowledge, but there was nothing she could do. She felt Irvines hand squeeze hers, and she squeezed back, giving him a blinding smile. She hated doing this to him, but right now, she craved vanilla. 

Quistis led them to a small bar in town, at night a club, but at the moment fairly empty, it was barely after one o'clock.

" Everyone sit down, and I get the Tequila."

There was a few confused looks, but when Zell sat down at a table in the far end of the bar, the others followed. 

Zell pretended to be busy with a napkin he was tearing apart, but he on carefully chosen opportunities glanced at either Squall or Seifer. Neither of them looked very happy being where they were, but surprisingly, none of them had complained very loud about this arrangement. 

Quistis came back with two bottles of Silver Tequila and 7 shot glasses. 

" For each question I ask you, before you answer, take a shot of Tequila." Zell smiled. He'd played this game once before. It was rather amusing, if you were the one asking the questions. After a few shots, no one seemed to care about dignity, honour, or law, for that matter. He decided to make himself as invisible as possible, so he could stay sober, hearing all the secret and thoughts that became revealed. Especially from Squall. It could be rather useful to learn new things about the mysterious Commander.

Quistis poured the liquor in the glasses and put one in front of everyone. 

" Alright, everyone has a glass? Good, I start with you, Zell: Favorite childhood memory."  
Easy question. When he was adopted by the Dinchts. He put the glass to his lips, twisted his wrist, and drank. The tequila burned in his throat.

" When I was five years old….."

The game seemed to continue forever. Quistis wanted to get to the "important" questions as soon as possible, but some seemed to be more alcohol tolerant than others. Irvine already seemed to be on the verge of passing out, while Squall didn't look affected at all.

She decided she'd try him, a personal question.  
" Squall", she said, and before she had asked the question, he'd taken the shot. Okay.

" Who do you like the most in this gang."  
He looked around, eyeing each and everyone, as if he saw them for the first time, wondering what the hell these people was sitting by his table.

" I like Xu the most. She's not trying to marry me, or kill me, if there's a difference."  
Quistis raised an eyebrow. Squall wasn't all that good with alcohol.

" Great. Next one's Seifers…."

" Wait a minute!" Squall frowned at her, glaring at the glass in his hand. " I don't love 'er though."

All eyes now rested on the normally so quiet and reserved Commander. Luckily, everyone seemed to be a little fussy in the head.  
" Then who do you love?" Quistis asked softly. This could be good.

" A shot first, remember?" She nodded, filling his glass. He drank it without hesitating. 

When he stopped grimacing he stared blankly at the air above him.  
" Squall?"  
" What?"  
" I asked you a question."  
" Oh? What was it?"  
" Who do you love?"

Another look at his glass, but apparently he decided he had had enough.

" Someone close to me. Someone I've known for a long time."  
A long, anticipating silence.

" He's….. He's my best friend."  
Quistis glanced at Zell who suddenly stared at Squall openly. She had pretty much already guessed they were close friends. Squall looked up, meeting Zells deep blue eyes.

" You love Zell?" Rinoa asked, her voice thick, with confusion, anger and…..hurt?  
" Yes, and no." Quistis frowned. Had he lost it completely?

Seifer couldn't decide who he should look at. Squalls thoughtful expression, or Zell, like the others, utterly confused. He himself had a rather good idea what was about to come. Squall was going to confess his feelings to Zell. Should he stop him? Two things could happen: 1, Zell becomes grossed out and never wants to talk to Squall again, in which case Seifer could stop hoping, or 2, Zell tells Squall he loves him too, and then Seifer could stop hoping too. Although he rather wanted the first. Seeing Zell with Squall would hurt too much. There was a third alternative too, one he almost didn't dare to think of. Zell would say he didn't love Squall, he was in love with someone else. This alternative would only be good if Zell actually admitted he was gay, and that someone else was Seifer.

So it was with equal excitement and fear that Seifer awaited Squalls confession.  


Squall swallowed. The tequila still burned in his throat, but he barely noticed it anymore. But he was aware of everyone staring at him. He didn't really understand why, what he had to say was obvious to anyone. 

" I love him, as a friend. But that's not all…." He silenced again, meeting the eyes of the boy he loved so much. He tried to read his beautifully blue eyes, if there was any sign of…….anything. He thought he could decipher….hope? 

" I'm _in love_ with him too!"

There, now it was said. Just await the verdict.

Rinoa choked. What was this? A joke? Had Squall really said what she thought he'd said? Judging by everyone else's reactions, apparently. The only one not looking affected by this was Seifer. Why? 

That thought quickly disappeared in a river of foul words that was directed at Squall. She stood up, glaring at him.

" Squall, how dare you! Leading me on like this! I can't believe you can be so……false!"

She silenced, her gaze falling upon the glass he held in his hand. Maybe it was all the liquor? He'd been drinking a lot. Most of Quistis' questions was directed to him.

" Squall, I hope you don't remember this tomorrow, and if you do, that you don't feel too guilty about it. I just want you to know that I forgive you, and it will all be the same tomorrow."  
Squall put down the glass and stood up, leaning over the table so his face was just an inch from hers. She could feel his hot breath in his face. He smelled sour.

" Rinoa. If I wake up tomorrow, and you're not there, I'd be thrilled."

She felt her entire heart break at his words. He could not possibly mean this!  
" You've been after me since day one, and I've tried to make you realize that I don't love you. I never have, and I never will. My love belongs to someone else", he looked at Zell with longing eyes, making Rinoas eyes water. He'd never looked at her like that.

" I would have hoped that there was some nicer way to tell you this, but there isn't. Not in a way that you'd understand. I. Don't. Want. You."

He had to be drunk, he didn't know what he was saying. But still, her tears kept streaming down her cheeks. Why was he doing this to her? She loved him! With words stuck in her throat she ran out of the bar, and the door was shut behind her.

Zell could hardly breath. Had Squall really said what he had heard? It was way to unbelievable to be true. He'd dreamt about this moment, and when it finally came, it wasn't at all what he'd expected it to be. Maybe it was because Squall was drunk, like himself, and the reaction was just numbed, or….maybe he didn't love Squall in _that _way. He looked at the Commander closely, into those smoke grey eyes, and came to a decision.

" I'm in love with you too Squall."

There was no way to describe the relief in Squalls eyes when his brain registered the words meaning. He gave Zell a smile, a real smile, and reached out a hand for him to hold. Zell smiled back, taking his hand, lightly caressing it with his thumb.

By some reason his gaze drifted to Seifer, and his happiness was instantly forgotten. Seifers face was completely blank, but his eyes showed so much disappointment and hurt that Zell wanted to cry. And then it hit him.

Seifer had always teased him about Zell hanging around Squall, and lately the jokes had been pin-point accurate. 

__

" So Chicken, been drooling over Squall again, now have you? I wonder what he'd say if I told him."

" Fuck you Seifer. You're gonna pay for this!"  
" Whatever you say, Chickenwuss, whatever you say.

It was almost painfully clear. Seifer loved Squall too.

Selphie watched the outcome with interest. It was almost too much for her to grasp after almost eight shots. She looked over to Xu who stared at Squall. Selphie sighed. She'd been right. Xu had it bad for Squall. Very bad. And now the love of her life told her, along with everyone else, that he was gay. And in love with Zell. Life could be a bitch on occasion.

Suddenly she heard someone call her name.  
" What?"

Quistis smiled at her and held out the tequila bottle.

" It's your turn Selphie, the game's not over yet."  
Selphie obediently extended her glass and had it refilled. 

" So, what's the question?"  
" Drink first." And Selphie drank.

" What's your favorite memory since you came to Garden?"  
Selphie thought a while. 

" It must have been………… my first lesson with Xu."

The tequila made her head spin and she could hardly focus on anyone.

" Why?" she heard someone ask. She half expected someone to refill her glass again, but when no one did, she answered anyway.

" Coz that's the first time I saw her."  


Irvine frowned. He hadn't gotten many questions, but the tequila had still clouded his mind. Although Quistis must have thought he was more drunk than he was, because she hadn't asked him many questions the past half hour and he was starting to sober up. He'd only registered Squalls confession half, but when he heard these words, so similar to his own thoughts, he had pulled himself through the daze.

He looked at Selphie, she seemed to be far away in her own world, and realized that she didn't know someone else was listening, especially not him.

" Why is that so special to you?" he asked, not caring that it was Quistis who were supposed to ask the questions. She looked up and blinked a few times.

" That's when I fell in love with her."

Irvine looked over to Xu, who now stared at Selphie. If he wasn't mistaking, she almost look….scared. Her eyes met his, and a chock ran through his body. She was genuinely breathtaking. She stood up on shaky legs.

" I….need to……I need some fresh air", she said, slowly walking towards the door. Selphie saw her leave, tears running down her cheeks, before she too stood up, although heading in the opposite direction. Irvine was pulled in the two different directions. The gentleman in him wanted to comfort them both, but he had the feeling Selphie wanted to be alone at the moment, so he went after Xu.

Seifer felt so empty. He'd lost. He was, once again, the loser. He shook his head slowly, resting his forehead against the knuckles of his clenched fist, eyes closed.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

" Seifer."

It was Zell. On the other side of the table, Squall glared at him. Seifer glared back. What was that asshole looking so pissed about? He was the one going home with the first price. 

" What?" His voice was harder than he wanted, he wasn't mad at Zell. 

" I…..want to talk to you….in private. If that's ok?"

Seifer raised an eyebrow, seeing Squall mimic.

" I guess. Where?"  
" Outside."

Seifer stood up, wondering what the hell was going on. Zell gave Squall one of those adorable smiles then followed Seifer outside.

He stopped by a fountain, sitting down on the edge.

" Seifer. I…." There was a long silence, and the hurt still ate a hole through his heart and Seifer wanted to go home and kill something. Preferably Squall.  
" What it is, Chicken? I don't have all day."  
" I know what you feel", Zell said bluntly. Seifer head jerked up, confused green eyes met reassuring blue ones.

" What…?"  
" I know what it's like to love someone you can't have, Seifer. That's what I'm talking about." He spoke surprisingly normal English. Seifer sat down next to him.

" So? You got the one you want."

Something unreadable flashed over Zells face before he continued.

" Maybe. You didn't though."  
" Thanks, just rub it in."  
" That's not what I meant. Seifer, for the last few years I've been madly in love with Squall. And I never realized that I only needed to know that he loved me back, and that I was ok with that. Just that." Seifer could see that these words hurt Zell more than his previous ones had hurt Seifer. Tears was gleaming in the corner of his baby blue eyes and Seifer was getting nervous.  
" What are you talking about?!"  
" I'm talking about you, Seifer. And Squall. I know you love him. And it's ok, you can have him. I just needed to know that he loved me. I don't know why you hated me, when Squall hasn't shown any interest in me, until now, but I guess you know that better than me. But I…. I know how it feels, and I don't want anyone else to go through it. All that pain. That's why I'm giving up on Squall."

Seifer couldn't speak. Was Zell willing to give up the love of his life, because he didn't want Seifer to hurt? What hurt Seifer was the tears now running down Zells perfect face.

" Zell…."  
" No, don't say anything. I don't want to know. Just be happy, ok?" Then he stood up and left.

Seifer was in chock. What had just happened? He didn't even want Squall! He took a few steps after Zell.

" No, Seifer. Go to him." Zell stared running, quickly disappearing out of sight.

Seifer sighed.

" But I want you, Zell. I only want you."

Xu sat by a big tree, her face in shadow by the thick branches. She didn't know what to do. Selphie was in love with her? It had come like a surprise. There had been no signs of her feelings before. Or, had there been? Those long burning stares she sometimes had felt around Selphie, well, she had never taken them as a sign of lust. Never. Why would she have? 

She heard someone behind her and prayed is wasn't Selphie. Not now. She needed to think about this.

" Xu?"

Irvines accent made her relax, a little. After all, he was, or had been, Selphies boyfriend.

She turned her head so she could see him in the corner of her eye.

" Irvine. Guess this came as a chock for you too."  
He walked to stand beside her, waiting for her permission to sit down.

" You kidding? I thought I'd heard wrong. Guess I don't blame her, though."  
Xu frowned.

" What? Why not?"

Irvine seemed to ponder for a while.

" Some other time, maybe. You've had enough for today."

Xu shook her head.

" No, I want to know. No more secrets, Irvine."  
He sighed, deeply, which revealed to Xu that this was hard for him to say. Was she really ready to hear it?

" I mean, you are a beautiful woman. I shouldn't be surprised that she fell for you."

A faint smile appeared on Xus lips. She patted his knee and sighed.

" Thanks Irvine. It's nice to know that you think that. I hope there's no hard feelings between us. I mean, since I unconsciously stole your girlfriend."  
Irvines smile faded.

" No hard feelings. I have no right to those."  
Okay, now she was confused.

" What are you saying? No rights?"  
He shook his head.

" Yes, no rights. She's been cheating on me, as much as I've been cheating on her." She raised an eyebrow. What was really going on? All the liquor in her system made her a bit scatterbrained.

Irvine seemed shy, she hadn't thought that the young cowboy could be shy.

" You've been cheating on Selphie? Why? With who?"

She didn't care that her questions might be considered offensive. 

" With the same person that she cheated on me with."  
" But that would mean….. Oh. My. God! Irvine! You're telling me you have a crush on me too?"

Irvine shook his head, eyes focused on the ground.

" No?" Xu asked, bewildered. 

" No, I don't have just a crush on you, Xu! I'm madly in love with you. It's crazy, I know, we've hardly even talked. But…. It doesn't change what I feel!"

Her brain was working overtime, and she breathed heavy.

" For…. For how long?"

" Over a year, maybe more. Let's say since I came to Garden. That would mean that Selphie has the advantage, but… Xu, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put all of this on you. I don't want to scare you away."  
" I'm not that easy to scare, Mr Kinneas. I don't ever want to her you call me weak."  
" I would never."  
She smiled and realized that she wasn't repulsed by his confession. She didn't feel the need to go away and think it over. And Squall hadn't surfaced in her mind since they stared to talk. Maybe this was some kind of sign? Fate? Maybe this was Destiny's way of telling her to move on, and just live her life.  
" Irvine. I…. If there's a chance that you still…..like me in that way, I'd like to try."  
" Try what?" She could hear the hope in his voice, and it made her smile.

" Try a relationship. I need to get out more."  
Irvines eyes lit up and he gave her a quick kiss.  
" Xu, I swear to you, I'll take you out as much as you wish. And I'll pay every time."

" Don't kill yourself, Irvine. Don't forget who makes the most money…"

He smiled again and kissed her. She closed her eyes and sighed. Maybe this was just what she needed.

Rinoa wiped her face with a tissue and snuffled. How could this be? She was sitting on a bench in the park opposite of the bar. If she saw Squall leave, preferably alone, she'd follow and demand an explanation. Or maybe she would wait to the next day. Squall seemed to have a terrible mood when he was drunk.

She didn't notice the suffocated sobs from behind her until that person just couldn't hold them in anymore. She turned around and frowned upon the sight that meet her. Selphie was crying? The constantly cheery girl was sad?

" Selphie?"  
Selphie looked up, obviously surprised by Rinoas presence.

" Oh, hi. Didn't know you were there."  
For some reason Rinoa felt compassion for the girl, and she did something she'd never done before in her life. She cared.

" What's the matter?"

Selphie shrugged.

" Everything's the matter. Seems like I've lost most of the things in my life that I held dear."

Rinoa nodded, recognizing every word, feeling Selphies pain in her own heart.

" It's awful when it happens, don't you think. You just want to crawl up and die!"

Selphie looked at her with compassion in her eyes.

" Oh, Rin. I'm so sorry, I forgot…."

Rinoa smiled. "It's ok, I've realized that there's nothing I can do about it. I've accepted it, it's just the dealing part left."

" The hardest part…"

" Yeah…"

Silence. Not an uncomfortable silence, just silence. There was nothing left to say, they both felt the same way, they both understood. They would deal together. How funny it even sounded, Rinoa and Selphie, like water and oil, would deal with their losses together.

Squall still sat by the table, Quistis on the other side. 

" You ok?" she asked, head tilted to the side. Squall looked up, meeting her gaze.

" Yeah, shouldn't I be?"

" I meant the hang over."  
" Oh." Squalls head pounded. " It sucks."  
" Here", she handed him an aspirin. " Hope it helps."  
He excepted it, gladly. He'd been hoping for some way to get rid of the pain, but was to ashamed to ask. Yes, ashamed. He was the Commander, and he was drunk…

" You've felt this way about Zell for a long time?" He nodded. 

" Too long."

" Guess that Seifer must have been a pain in the ass in the mean time. Must be why you hate each other."  
Squall frowned.

" What?"  
" I mean, having Seifer being in love with the same guy, must be hard to deal with."  
Squalls face dropped, head spinning, and he swallowed hard. Seifer? In love with Zell?

" Impossible", he breathed, mostly to himself.

Quistis shrugged.

" Not really. Saw it the first time I saw them in the hall corridor." She frowned. " You mean, you didn't know?"

Squall shook his head. Had he been letting Seifer run around Garden, unattended, being in love with Zell. It couldn't be!

Suddenly Seifer came through the door. Squall stood up, regretting he'd left Lionhart at home. He wanted to decapitate him!

" You…. I'm…. Fuck you, Seifer!"

He looked startled, only for a few seconds, before he went into battle-mode. 

" What's you problem now, Leonhart?"

" You!"

" Why's that?" Squall chewed his lip, he really didn't know _why_ Seifer was the problem, he just was. Zell had told Squall that he was in love with him too, and Seifer had lost. But what was the deal about them talking in private? He growled.

" You want Zell." Seifer flinched, glared at Quistis who looked mighty innocent by the table, then stared back at Squall.

" So? He don't want me."  
" Doesn't matter. If you as much as look at him, I'll have you….."  
" Have me what?"

" Think of something later." The aspirin hadn't started to do it's business yet. " But it won't be good."  
" Don't worry, Leonhart. I'm leaving. Going to Esthar, maybe I can start a new life there, without you….without….Zell." He took a deep breath, and Squall realized how much he must hurt. He almost felt sorry for him. That kind of pain was hard to bear.

He couldn't find any words to say.

" So, you see Squall. You'll be having him all to yourself."  
" Good."  
Seifer snarled.  
" I'm not saying you deserve him though."  
" Neither do you…"  
Seifer smirked, but his eyes remained dark. 

" Fine." He stared to walk towards the door.  
" Oh, I almost forgot. Zell gave up his rights to you. He thought I was in love with you, probably misunderstood my reaction when he….. Well, doesn't matter now. Anyway, he said that I could have you. If you really love him, Leonhart, I suggest you find him, soon, and sort this out."  
Seifer opened the door.

" And, Squall. Tell him…..what I feel about him, _please_?" The word sounded so strange, coming from Seifer, but it made an impact on Squall. Must mean a lot to him, if he actually was prepared to ask Squall for a favour.

" Alright Seifer. I will."

Seifer nodded, sighed, then left. Squalls defences dropped, and he felt himself shiver. This was way to complicated for him, he needed to think it through, have a plan, in case…..

" Go find him, Squall", Quistis stood up. " Tell him it's him, and only him, that you want. Also tell him about Seifers feelings. It's the right thing to do."

Squall nodded.

" I know, and I will. I just need to find him."  
" Squall, where would you be?"  


Seifer was on his way to the train station, after packing his most essential things. He drove by the beach, looking over the clear blue water, the color reminding him of Zells eyes. Suddenly he caught the glimpse of someone sitting on one of the cliffs. Blonde hair shining in the sun. Seifer thought the car stopped by itself, before he saw his foot on the break. Before thinking further, he was out of the car, walking towards the cliffs.

" Zell. Come down a sec, will you?"

He saw Zell hesitate before climbing down, strong arms keeping him safe.

" What is it, Seifer? Ya told Squall about…?" Seifer shook his head.

" Why not?!"

" I don't love Squall, Zell."  
" Ya don't? But when he told me he loved me, ya look like ya wanted ta kill me."  
" Why would I want to kill the love of my life, Zell?"  
It took a while before the shorter blonde fully understood what he really meant. 

" Ya mean….me?" Seifer nodded.  
" You, Zell. Just you."

Zell looked….confused. Why? It should be crystal clear. Seifer wanted Zell.

" What, Zell?  
" It's just dat…Seifer, I'm in love with you too. I…thought dat ya….never mind."

" Doesn't matter." Seifer voice sounded weak. " I understand."  
" So…what do we do?"  
" Nothing. I'm leaving for Esthar now. I'm leaving for good. I just…wanted to tell you this in person. Zell, please be happy with Squall. Don't let him treat you wrong, otherwise I'll rip his cold heart out. Deal?"

The tears overflowing in Zells eyes made him mute, so he nodded.

" There's just one thing I'd like to do, before I go…" He cupped Zells chin with his hand, but before he could do or say anything more, Zell threw himself around his neck, crushing his lips against Seifers. 

The kiss lasted for one, glorious minute before Seifer pulled away.

" I need to go now Zell. If I stay any longer, I won't be able to leave you."

" So don't."

" I have to. I love you Zell."  
" I love you too." 

" That's all I wanted to hear. Don't forget me, ok?"  
" Ok." Seifer walked to the car, forcing himself not to turn around. When he came to the car he looked back at Zell, now standing tall and beautiful, staring out over the sea.

" I'll never forget you, my Chickenwuss."

Squall took a deep breath before stepping onto the sand. He'd been watching Zell for a few minutes, afraid of approaching. 

" Hey Squall". Zell turned around, head to the side, hands in his pockets.

" How did you…?"

" I'm train to notice things behind me, Squall. You can't surprise me." Squall nodded walking to stand beside Zell.

" Why are ya here, Squall?"

" Stupid question, Dincht. Try again." Zell looked up at the blue sky.

" Maybe, you're here ta fulfil one of my fantasies?" 

" Well, not really. But I would like to."

" Good. But first tell me why you're really here."  
" I'm here to tell you how I feel, Zell. So there's no misunderstandings. I love you, and I'm in love with you. I hope that's clear. And…"  
Zell put his hand on Squalls shoulder, smiling.

" Wow, Squall. Chill a bit. If I'm not mistaking, y were 'bout ta break da record in "most said words by n iceberg". Listen, I understand. And I feel da same way. I thought dat was clear since I not only told you, I told everyone I know. Gotta count for somethin' right?"

Squall nodded.

" So, 'bout dat fantasy…"  
Squall leaned forward, gently pressing his lips to Zells, making the younger boy hiss. His tongue ran over the bottom lip, pushing inside Zells mouth. 

It was hot, steaming hot, and none of them wanted to pull away.

" Zell", Squall breathed.

" Mhmm."

" Let's get back to Garden. I have some papers to sign."  
Zell laughed.

" Only if ya promise ta spend some time wit me after."  
Squall smiled a devilish smile, making Zell raise a brow.

" I kinda meant dat ya'd help me", Squall said, mimicking Zells pronunciation. " Then we can spend as much time as we want…."

" Like da sound of dat…"

THE END (of the main story, an epilogue follows)

****************************************************************************

Okay, this is it. Like I said, I have the epilogue left. If I didn't have it, this chapter would be even longer, and I really don't want that…. 

Anyways, like to thank everyone who's reviewed. I can't thank each and every one of you enough! 

Later! // Zierra


	9. Epilogue

****

EPILOGUE 

* Squall and Zell went back to Garden, signed all of Squalls papers, and had hardcore sex on the desk. After that, they lived happily ever after.

* Seifer moved to Esthar, but one day ran into Zell who had a mission there. They got together and one thing led to another. Zell is now frequently visiting Esthar with the pretence of buying nectarines for Squall (they are apparently much better in Esthar).

* Rinoa and Selphie is best friends now. They are both happy with new partners, but Selphie is having a secret crush on Rinoa, now when she's not a big ass bitch anymore. She has on more than one occasion masturbated in the shower thinking about Rinoa.

Rin on the other hand, has found a new obsession. A thirty years older man.

* Xu and Irvine is expecting their first baby, if it's a boy his name will be Adam (after the first man) and if it's a girl, her name will be Quistis, for, in a far-fetched way, she was the one that put them together. They are eternally grateful to her.

* Quistis won the Pulitzer price for her article, earning her a reputation of the best reporter in the world. She moved to Balamb and owns the bar where she got the info for her story.

* The writer of _her_ story, is now taking a long and well earned vacation, where she is laying on the beach with her fingers in buckets of ice, because they ache like hell. This is not entirely true, she more like working on her next story already, together with some major studying, but what the hell, it's fiction!

********************************************************************

I'll be back

// Zierra


End file.
